I was asked last night at the Vestry meeting if I
could say something about myself and realized that it had not occurred to me to
introduce myself on this blog. So here is the short, short version:
I was adopted from birth. My parents were not able to
have children, and a friend of the family who is an Episcopal priest was able
to arrange the adoption. (It is actually just this summer that I found my birth
mother and have had some contact with her.) My family on my adopted father’s
side was from Texas and on my mother’s side from South Carolina. I was born in
McKinney Texas and during my formative years I lived in both Texas and
California depending on my father’s job. I had been baptized Episcopalian, but
because of the nearness of the local Lutheran church I was brought up in the
Lutheran church. I remember joking later that in Sunday School I think I
learned more about the life of Martin Luther than about Jesus! But it was good;
I really enjoyed church very much. I learned the bible well and the truths of
the faith.
For high school I ended up going to a boarding school
in Tennessee. I was one of the people who loved boarding school. I had all my
friends in the same building, and was lucky to have a roommate who became one
of the best friends I had ever had. I really thrived there, except that my
faith did not. I think that I still had a Sunday School faith, and I started
asking some hard questions. Unfortunately, my faith did not survive, and I went
for years without going to church.
I didn’t come back to faith in God until late in
university. I do have an academic frame of mind, and I was always a questioner
and always interested in why questions. Why this and why that? I tried lots of
different paths in school, but none of them quite fit. I ended up studying
philosophy and German language and literature, neither of are practical of
course, but I enjoyed what I was doing. The blessing of studying German is that
I lived abroad for a year in Germany. I loved the year. It was such a blessing
in so many different ways. I loved the atmosphere; I loved being on my own; I
loved traveling and seeing new things. Oddly, as a nonbeliever, I started to
love visiting the churches there. They were quiet and beautiful, and I enjoyed
sitting in them. I think I was looking for something without knowing that I was
looking for something. The other thing is that one of my best friends there was
a strong Christian who was going into the ministry. What was important for me
is that he had a strong faith, but was also cool and brilliant. I have to
confess I didn’t think they could go together!
I did not become a Christian, but I was intrigued. The
next step was when I came back from Germany, I was in a used book store when I
found a book by a man named Thomas Merton. Now Merton has been on my friends
bedside table, and he had mentioned that he enjoyed his works. So I picked up
the book, and for me it was providential. I found a man who had wrestled with
faith in the same way I did; his descriptions of the world were how I saw the
world. He just spoke to me. But it was his descriptions of faith in Jesus that
rattled me. They just spoke truth that I needed to hear and I didn’t know what
to do with it. I started falling in love with his vision of faith, but finding
that I couldn’t follow him. I found that I wanted to be a believer; I wanted to
follow Jesus; I wanted what Merton had. But it was not for me…. and then, my
doubts just started to be unimportant. I wanted to learn more. I started to read
the Gospels; I started tentatively praying. I should have started going to
church and seeking spiritual guidance. But I didn’t. It was a powerful time for
me; the more I came to know God the more excited I became.
I didn’t go to church until that summer when I went
home. My father had just started attending church again after a long absence of
years. I had thought of going to the Lutheran church where I grew up, but he
was going to a local Episcopal (Anglican) church, and so I went with him. What
happened for me was the Eucharist. I had never really thought about it until
this moment. When the priest started praying and then held up the bread and
said, “this is my body.” Something powerful moved within me. I tell people I am
high church because I was ultimately converted by the Eucharist. I knew that I
was home, and I also started to think that I would like to do what that priest
was doing: bringing Christ to people.
I went to graduate school in philosophy, but was
thinking about the ministry. I knew it was too early as I was a new Christian,
but after a two year Masters I thought I might know more. At the end I decided
to explore more. I went to the Bishop in Ohio where I was living and found out
that they had a moratorium on all candidates for the priesthood. I would have
to wait three years to start the process. For long and complicated personal
reasons I thought I wanted to study in New Haven, CT and so I thought I would
move there and go through the process in Connecticut. There the process also
took years so I got a job in the shipping department of a local warehouse. I
was fortunate that I had worked in shipping ever summer to earn money so I had
enough experience to be hired on and worked there for three years loading and
unloading trucks. While I was there I attended a local church in New Haven
which really became my liturgical and spiritual training ground. I learned so
much and grew so much in my faith. I was blessed to have so many great teachers
and a wonderful church to worship in.
Eventually I did go to seminary which is a whole other
story. The short, short version is that I met a Canadian who was studying for
the priesthood from Alberta. We fell in love, and I followed her, and that is
why I find myself in Alberta and blessed to be here!
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