Sermon on Ft McMurray

This is another one of those sermons where you start to write one sermon and events in the world invite you to write another one. You may recall that I was going to finish a two part sermon on peace, but instead I am going to say a few words about the terrible events in Ft. McMurray. I could say a lot of different things, but as I prayed about what to say I found that what has really struck me are the scenes of amazing fortitude, scenes of generosity and scenes of courage. Today I just want to point to those and say that what we are seeing in those actions are glimpses of the Kingdom of God.

But first a prayer from the Iona community:

My those without shelter

be under your guarding 

this day O Christ.

May the wandering 

find places of welcome.

O son of the tears, of the wounds, of the piercings,

May your cross this day

be shielding them. Amen.

I am speaking as one who has no street cred here. I have never lived in Ft. McMurray; I don't have any family there; I have never even been there. All of my experience of this event has just been the horror of watching it all unfold and praying and praying for the people getting out and for the first responders fighting the fires and keeping order. Like everyone here I am guessing watched all of this unfold. Terrible scenes of cars sitting bumper to bumper in unmoving traffic with blazing fire on both sides of the road; family homes burning. Stories of getting out with little to nothing. People banging on neighbours doors to get them out. Scenes of burning embers coming down like snow. On the CBC on Friday night, one resident saying that if it looked like hell on TV, it was much, much worse driving through it. News stories of whole neighbourhoods burned down, gas stations exploded, hotels burned down. People just not knowing if they have a house or not. And now worried about the future. Jobs, income, place to stay, what is left to go back to. No electricity, is the water any good?

And it all happened so quickly. I read that one of the Anglican priests in Ft McMurray was at his church that morning, the sky was blue and it looked like the flames were going the other way, and by that afternoon he was heading north to a camp and not knowing what was going to happen next. All in all, I was sick to my stomach watching it, and I wasn't going through it. I couldn't even imagine of course what that hell would be like. Just offering prayer after prayer for people and waiting to see what we could do. 

But the terrible events were not the only news that was coming out. On the CBC I listened to an interview with the mayor of Wood Buffalo, Melissa Blake. She was answering criticism about the evacuation and I think handled that well. But then it turned to her own experience of running and going north. And she broke down. She said that she felt like a refugee and Ft McMurray had been a community that welcomed refugees and she said that now she knew what it felt like to need someone else to take her into their home, and that she was so grateful for people's kindness and generosity. And that kindness and generosity has been the other side of the story. Please don't miss hear me; I have no interest in playing down tragedy here. I will not ever say it is just stuff, when it is not my stuff that was lost. I recognize that a person's house and belongings are the story of a lifetime. But I have been deeply moved by stories of goodness and generosity.

It started when I heard stories of people filling jerry cans full of gas and packing trucks full of food to rescue people who had run out of gas. A principal who loaded a bus full of kids at the school and went north to get them out of harms way. Neighbours going from door to door making sure people, especially the vulnerable get out. It moved me when Don Iveson opened up Northlands as a place for Ft McMurrayites to come and sleep and get a place to just breathe for a moment. Anzac, Lac la bishe and so many other towns opening places to welcome people running with food, beds, children's toys. People signing up, bringing things. Little kids selling lemonade, teens washing cars, volunteers giving hours.

A friend of mine from Ft Saskatchewan volunteering at the local legion said: "I don't think this old heart has even been so full after witnessing the sharing that I have in the last 24 hours at the Fort Saskatchewan Legion as the community comes together to respond to needs of Ft Mac evacuees...humble padre." And the most articulate about all of this was Rex Murphy. If you didn't see his piece just google Rex Murphy Ft. McMurray. It is worth watching. For three minutes he illustrated the truth that while tragedy grinds the soul, it can also provide inspiration and that is what we have seen. He said, "If you want to know what it is like to be a neighbour in hard times, go to Alberta. It's the prairie code."

I want to suggest that it is more than the prairie code; I want to suggest that these good and generous things that are happening are glimpses of the kingdom of God. Not the kingdom in all of its fullness to be sure, not the whole of the Gospel, but nevertheless I would suggest a part of the Gospel. In seeing all of this neighbourliness, I sincerely thinking we are seeing something of God's vision and desire for the world. Being a good neighbour was always an important concept in the Old Testament. In fact, they expanded the understanding from the nations around them. In the ancient world, it was assumed that you loved your neighbours and wiped out or enslaved your enemies. You also assumed that your tribe or nation was greater than the others. The Old testament opened up the concept of being a neighbour to not just your ethnic or geographical neighbour, but to even the foreigner in your midst had rights and deserved compassion. There were laws about providing for your neighbour's welfare, for having fair courts of law to settle disputes, to refrain from violence and to limit punishments and stop vendettas. In the New Testament, Jesus takes this idea and then takes it even further to point people to God's hope for how neighbours treat each other.

He told three stories to illustrate this point. The one story has a man traveling down a road when he is ambushed by robbers, beaten and left for dead. Ironically the religious leaders are the ones who ignored him, but it was a foreigner who showed him mercy, bandaged him up, and paid for his lodging and doctor's bills. Jesus told the lawyer who was asking who is my neighbour that he should go and do the same. He told another where there was a rich man and a poor man outside his door. The rich man does nothing to hurt him, but he does ignore him and this is the reason that when he dies he goes to hell. Jesus tells another story where he imagines all of the nations of the world coming forward into judgement and the criteria for coming into the kingdom of heaven is if they fed the hungry, gave a drink to the thirsty, clothed the naked, took in the stranger and visited the poor. For Jesus, being a neighbour is a central value to the kingdom. Again, it is not the whole Gospel of course, but if I am asking what does Jesus hope the church will look like in the world, I think it would look a lot like we are seeing around the generosity given to those fleeing Ft. McMurray. Of course, many if not most of the people doing all of this are probably not Christian. They are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts or from another religious commitment. We have seen the Muslim and Sikh communities turning out to help in great numbers. It is beautiful to see. But what I hope you see is that this is not just about being nice. This is about being disciples of Jesus, about tapping into God's vision for all of creation. The point of all of this is that we don't have to wait for an emergency. As Christians we are called to pray that we would lead lives of such quiet generosity everyday. This is the good stuff of life; this is where we really find our meaning and joy. We don't have to be perfect; that is not our calling. Our calling is to follow Jesus our master and teacher. Jesus who says love one another as I have loved you.

But this one of course is not over, it is only beginning. What do we do? First we pray, for rain and cool weather. For Ft. McMuraay to rise again and let life get back to normal. Over the next several months as a Diocese we will be working closely with the Diocese of Athabasca, and we here at St Thomas will be invited to be a part of that. Our bishop has been in close communication with Fraser Lawton, the bishop of Athabasca, and I will end by reading a letter sent to all the Anglican churches in our Diocese from our Bishop.

Sermon on Inner Peace

So the other day, I had a hugely busy and stressful day. Normally I try to schedule some open bits during the day to catch up email and makes some phone calls and breathe between meetings, but not this day. For whatever reason it was packed with meetings all day long, with one downtown and a visit to the hospital. Some of the conversations were difficult and that takes a lot of energy and so I was bagged by the end of the day,  but luckily I had no evening meetings. So I was really looking forward to coming home for dinner, visiting with my family and having a cup of tea. That post dinner cup of tea is one of the great joys of my life. It is hot and steamy, and I sit on the sofa lengthwise, so that I am taking up the whole loveseat. And it is next to the window which lets in fresh air. And I sit there and enjoy the breeze and my cup of tea and I read the paper or a book or just visit with Stephanie and see how her day has been. It is one of my peaceful moments of the day. I was so looking forward to that end of day, post-dinner, relaxing cup of tea. I sat on the sofa. And my children thought this would be a good day to get out the roller blades and skate inside the house around and around. One was okay. Then the other one. And then the little one on a scooter and they started laughing hysterically. So I asked them to keep it down. Then one wrecked, and another started crying and another started arguing that it wasn't her fault, and then the one hurt wanted a story and I wanted my tea and the other one got grumpy, and the third was upset because now the game was over, and I just wanted my tea! I wanted them all to go away, so I could have my tea!

I think a desire most parents want from time to time, and sometimes a very legitimate one. We want peace in our lives. I think this is a universal desire. We are crazy busy and so we look forward to the next day off, that often doesn't feel like a day off, or to the next vacation, but that never runs perfectly as the brochures picture them, and peace seems to be very illusive. We can catch glimpses of peace, but we might wonder if it is really possible to get to know peace well or if it is just an ideal. And then we read Jesus words from the Gospel this morning "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid." and we wonder if that is just some nice thing Jesus said, but not really for us.

Here is my suggestion: when the world, i.e., the non-Jesus way to do things. When the world talks about peace, it means the tranquillity, distance from the stresses of life where we can let everything go. What I call the Calgon understanding of peace. Calgon is a maker of bath salts and other products and the slogan is Calgon take me away! Let me shut the door from the crazy world and let me have peace. It is a very attractive and even common sense understanding of peace. Peace is what happens when you turn every thing off, stop doing every thing and get away from it all. It is very attractive; I know. I wanted the tea. But it is oddly not the Jesus way of understanding peace. At first glance, his way of peace doesn't seem very inviting at all. In this passage Jesus is giving a long talk to his disciples about things they need to know before he goes and when he says Peace I leave with you, he is not saying I am taking away all of the trouble in your lives so that you can have peace. No, he says things are going to get terrible. You will have tribulations and sufferings and he ends the whole thing by saying, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." A beautiful verse, but one might ask, Jesus, could we have the peace without the side of tribulation please? If we have to have the struggles and difficulties, then we think we don't really have peace. How do they go together?

Personally as I have meditated on the Jesus way of doing things I have realized that there is a profound realism here, because if peace mean the absence of difficulty, then we will rarely find peace if ever. And even more difficult as I had an insight after my small tea episode, if peace is the absence of noise and clutter and chaos, then my children are the enemies of peace. My life is the enemy of peace, and I can easily grow to resent all of it. That is not what I want. I want to find peace in the midst of my life, my kids, my family, my friends, my community. I want peace to be integral to my life. So if peace in Jesus' understanding is not the absence of struggle, what is it? Quite simply, peace is a whole way of life. Because our vocation as Christians is not to retreat from the world, but to enter deeply into the world and infuse the world with the spirit of the Gospel. And we do that best by embodying peace. Again, peace is a way of life.

I recently got a fitbit. Many of you have them. For those who are not familiar with it, it is a glorified pedometer which counts my steps and several other heath related data. I am trying to get in shape again and what I like about it is that if I achieve my goals everyday all of the lines are green, and so I try to get all of the lines green. But the thing about health, is that we realize that it is a daily practice. I can't just get the lines green and say that I am healthy, it is a discipline that is practiced every day, some more, some less, but the point is that it happens over time as a result of working on it, and the opposite, health slips the more I neglect it. I would like to suggest that peace is similar. It is not something that passively happens; it is something we have to fight for, something we have to practice and struggle with everyday, and then like health, we find we have peace, not just here and there, but in the midst of all of life. But it is not easy. C.S. Lewis has a great description of this in his book Mere Christianity: “It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”

So what does that look like? 

I think peace is like a muscle. If you exercise it, it will get stronger; if you neglect it, it will get weaker. But there is no exercise machine for peace, so how do you exercise it? One could write a whole book here, but let me simply point our four aspects. 1) we center ourselves in Christ, 2) we live deeper into the truth that we beloved children of God, 3) we live intentionally and 4) we grow stronger and stronger in embodying peace for the sake of the world.

The first and most important is daily centering of yourself in Christ. I can't recommend highly enough a daily practice of connecting with Christ. Prayer in this sense though is not asking for a gift of peace which we passively receive. That I am suggesting is not the Jesus way. Rather, it is spending time with Jesus, both meditating on the scriptures and sitting in silence. Because when we sit for a time everyday in the presence of Christ and bring him our troubles, our perspective opens up. I don't know how to explain this other than when we centre on Jesus good things happen; we learn things about ourselves and the world. Like Jacob we wrestle with God, and in the wrestling we grow. Brian Zahnd puts it like this: "To live a peaceable life, patience is needed. Impatience instills a permanent agitation in the soul, an agitation that makes peace impossible. Prayer is the slow process by which patience replaces agitation. Learning to pray well has acquainted me with patience. Praying the ancient psalms and the centuries old prayers of the church cultivates an appreciation for patience. I’ve come to realize that the main purpose of prayer is not to change the world, but to change me...and I am under the assumption that this will take a lifetime."

The second aspect of peace that we have to practice is regularly reminding ourselves that we are beloved of God. In God's eyes, we don't have to prove ourselves. Jesus has won the victory. Our job is to live into it, and it makes all the difference inside when we know ourselves to be loved, accepted. Whatever failings we have or whatever we have done wrong, there is forgiveness and grace. Grace is the foundation of peace but we forget. And so part of the daily discipline is the daily reminder and meditation on this great truth that you are a child of God.

The third is the daily choices we make. We either live intentionally or fragmented, and fragmented is a lot easier to fall into. But we are constantly making decisions around the simplicity of our lifestyle, the way we spend our time, how we live in community. I think a large part of peace happens when our lives are focused on priorities, the things we know are important and are not frittered away in a hundred and one things that are not really important. Jesus said don't spend time worrying about things like what we will wear, and eat and sleep. First and foremost, focus our lives on the kingdom of God, and the rest will fall into place.

And finally, and crucially, we have to practice that peace in our lives. Years ago, what I hated most was conflict. I would avoid it, work around it, do almost anything than having a conversation with the person I was having trouble with. I would be racked with anxiety about picking up the phone and talking with them. But I learned that if I was going to have peace, I needed to deal with this. So I prayed about it, and read about good ways to do conflict, but the real issue was picking up the phone. The first time was horrible, so was the second, then the third went better and so on. The other day, I picked up the phone almost right away and had a great conversation and it resolved beautifully. I had such peace in my heart. It is not that the struggle wasn't there or that Jesus delivered me from it. He walked me through it; I grew stronger, and centered in Christ I can find peace in the midst of it. To my mind, this is the peace that passes all understanding.

Jesus the Good Shepherd

The Good news of the Gospel is that it changes lives for the better. Jesus can have a huge impact on people who are open to him. And it is this good news of transformation and new life in Jesus that I think is at the heart of the image of the Good Shepherd that we are celebrating this morning in the readings and in the liturgy. The image of Jesus as the Good Shepherd has resonated deeply with the Christian tradition. In fact, the image of Jesus as the Good Shepherd are some of the oldest images that we have, lost before the image of Jesus crucified was a popular icon. The idea is that we are the sheep, and that we respond to Jesus' voice as he guides us to pasture and water. What doesn't quite work with the image of course is that we are very different from sheep. We don't just follow, but we ask questions, we dream dreams, we hope, we laugh, we weep, we look for meaning to our lives, we create art, we explore scientific mysteries, we grieve, we love. We are not just happy with pasture and water; we need meaning and truth, love and challenge. We are not much like sheep at all; we are looking for something much, much deeper. 

What is deeper life? When I was young, it wasn't even a concept that really crossed my mind. I did really think about it until I was probably about fourteen years old when my grandfather took me to the Kimble Art Museum in Fort Worth, TX. He felt I was ready to be introduced to art in a serious way, and he started my education with the Impressionists. The impressionists are not very radical today; today they feature predominately on greeting cards, but in their time he explained to me, they were. Rather than painting subjects of great renown such as Biblical scenes or from mythology or history, they painted ordinary modern scenes. People in the park, shopping, at home, at dance school. But more interestingly they are not exact replicas of reality or what the artist saw. Rather they depict visually the complexity of the world as we experience it. In their work, the artists tried to capture movement, the changing of light, the emotions they experienced. They captured the how of experiencing the world. My grandfather had me look deep into the paintings. This was a revelation to me. There was something so compelling about these pictures that spoke to me. What the artists in the pictures saw was not what I saw in my everyday life. In their free brush strokes they saw more than I did. I might just see a water lily, but Monet say a whole world of beauty and drama. As I learned to love art, I realized that I was being invited to deeper emotions and richer feelings. Over the years Art has shaken me out of my everydayness. It pointed me to something... but I didn't know what that was.

Ian Cron captures this well in an imagined lecture by a musicologist in his novel Chasing Francis. He writes, “All of us are meaning-seekers. We approach every painting, novel, film, symphony, or ballet unconsciously hoping that it will move us one step further on the journey, toward answering the question, ‘Why am I here?’ People living in the postmodern world, however, are faced with an excruciating dilemma. Their hearts long to find ultimate meaning, while at the same time their critical minds do not believe it exists. We are homesick, but have no home. So we turn to the arts and aesthetics to satisfy our thirst for the Absolute. But if we want to find our true meaning in life, our search cannot end there. Art or beauty is not the destination; it is a signpost pointing towards our desired destination.”

If I could be so bold: this is how I experienced it. The art whispered to me; got under my skin and made me discontented with my ordinary life. But as I look back, it wasn't just the art. I am convinced that it was the voice of Jesus whispering to, inviting me to seek him, the real desire of my heart. I followed that voice and I have been following it ever since, and he has led me to amazing places, through dry deserts of the spirit, into places of meaning and joy. His voice has both broken me and healed me, but in all cases he has led me into life.

What does it mean for us to live deeper life in God? This is where I think the image of Jesus as the Good Shepherd can help us. The image the GOOD Shepherd is used by scripture to show that Jesus is not like other leaders out to make a buck or get power. As we see in the Ezekiel reading the problem with the shepherds before is that they were about control and power. But Jesus tells us in the Gospel this morning, that his purpose is to give life. "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish and no one will ever snatch them out of my hand." Jesus is the one who makes eternal life possible. We normally think of eternal life as life after death: Heaven, paradise, to be united with God for eternity, as we affirmed yesterday when we buried our sister in the faith, Pat Lawrence. And this is right. This is the end goal of salvation. We do pray that she rest in peace. But eternal life is more than that. As John Wesley tells us, salvation is not just about going to heaven, but is the whole work of God in the individual, “from the first dawning of grace in the soul till it is consummated in glory.” Eternal life is also about the quality of life that we have here and now. As Jesus says earlier in the same chapter, I came so that they may have life and have it in abundance. I understand this to be what the Bible calls Shalom; a deep state of well being. And Jesus is the one who leads us into this. What does this shalom look like? I want to suggest a few concepts for you to ponder as you look at your own life in Christ.

Beloved. At the heart of shalom is the knowledge that you are loved by God, and not just loved, but that God delights in your existence. That you are beloved. This sense of being accepted and loved and that your life has significance is rooted in our relationship with Christ. It is in Jesus that God most fully reveals his love for us, and the fact that he has literally moved heaven and earth to forgive us and make us right with him so that we could be filled with the abundant love of God. I look at my four year son and he is so full of energy and excitement about the world. He just radiates well being, and much of the reason for that is that he knows how much he is loved. He doesn't question it or get down on himself easily. Can you see yourself as that loved by God? If not, pray that the Good Shepherd will lead you into that.

Meaning. A person who is marked by shalom has found meaning in their lives. Purpose. It doesn't have to be big or grandiose, but purpose. God is the one who created us, who gave each one of us particular gifts to use and explore. Jesus is the one who invites us to find our gifts and to use them and in so doing find the purpose and meaning that we desire. 

Authenticity. A person who is marked by shalom is authentic. I take this to be a couple of different things. First, it is the realization that all of us have a past. That we have been blessed and hurt, and all of us carry around baggage. Part of being whole hearted is to find a way to deal with our garbage. We do that in a number of ways, but at the heart of it is Jesus the healer; he says come to me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. A person who is authentic is vulnerable, open and honest, willing to take a risk and put themselves out there. Brene Brown tells us that there is no substitute for this kind of courage. If we want to live whole hearted lives we have to learn to live beyond fear. This is exactly the place where Jesus wants to lead us, to a place of challenge and growth. He called Peter out of the boat; he called Matthew to leave his job and he calls us as well. The most used command in the Bible is Do Not Be Afraid.

Holy Living. A person marked by shalom tries to live according to God's vision of the good life. This is a life marked by love for neighbour. Jesus said they will know you are my disciples by your love. It is a life marked by service. Jesus calls us to not try to dominate other, or to focus our lives on wealth, renown or power, but to follow his example. It is a life marked by discipline. Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow him. We strive by grace to be holy as God is holy.

When I preach, I often preach what speaks to me. This is the kind of life that I want to live. I want to be a walking sign of shalom to the world. I still have a ways to go but I think this is my life purpose. I think that it is what our job ultimately is, that our life purpose is to become the fully mature person that God created you to be. God created you because he loves you so much, and he wants you, me, indeed every person on this planet to just be more fully what they already are. But the reality is that maturity doesn't come naturally. If it did, the whole world would be the garden of Eden. In fact, maturity in Christ is daily decision, a daily walk with Christ. It comes from being centered in Christ and walking out his grace and truth in our lives every day, to seek to grow and to do the hard work required. But the reward is what everyone ultimately wants I think, to be 

people who are full of life and love. "I have come that they might have life, and have it abundantly." Jesus is the Good Shepherd.

Sermon for June 1, 2014: Exploring Jerusalem Sunday and the Glory of God

The old city of Jerusalem is in many ways a magical place, a great crossroads of history, cultures, empires, nations and faiths. it is a city that dates back before King David, a thousand years before the birth of Christ. It has been a Cannanite city, a Jewish city, a Christian city and a Muslim city, and today it is in many ways all three. I had the great fortune of being there in 2005 on a pilgrimage from this diocese and I loved the place. For one thing of course, it is the city where Jesus walked, taught in the temple, healed people, ate the last supper, was arrested, died on the cross and where he rose again from the dead. Just being in that place is amazing. It is also a warren of shops and quarters with people from all over the world in one place. It is a place of unrest and tension as well as being a place of great peace. Jerusalem, more than any other city in the world, is the place where people have encountered the glory of God. And so I am glad that today we are talking about Jerusalem.

The reason I am talking about the Anglican church in Jerusalem is because the Anglican church of Canada has a special relationship with this community and has chosen this day as a day to educated ourselves a little bit about the church in Jerusalem, to pray for them and to support some of their ministries. As you know, the Anglican Church of Canada, of which St. Thomas is a member, is part of a family of churches throughout the world called the Anglican Communion. The Anglican Communion is made up of 39 national churches like the Anglican Church of Canada and there are about 80 million of us Anglicans. But the church in Jerusalem is special because these are the churches that are in the Holy Land, the land we call holy because it is where our Lord lived, taught, healed, died and rose again. And for centuries Christians have returned to this place again and again.

The diocese itself is small by Anglican standards, only about 30 churches, but they are spread over five different countries. While small they do tremendous ministry. The bishop of the diocese says that their main ministries are teaching and healing, the same ministries as our Lord Jesus did. So as part of their ministry the Diocese operates several hospitals, clinics and rehabilitation centres throughout the region. They also operate 13 schools in the area which are considered some of the best in the country. Another one of the big ministries that they have is welcoming pilgrims to the land by operating four pilgrim guesthouses throughout the region. The diocese has a number of problems owing to the fact that the Holy Land is a troubled region and that most Christians in the area are Palestinian Christians. But as the Bishop of the Diocese has said, Religion has to be part of the solution and so they do what they can by supporting the peace process in Israel, running their own peace and reconciliation ministries and doing interfaith work in the region. And so for a diocese with fewer parishes than the Diocese of Edmonton, they do a lot of work!

One of the aspects of this day is that the Diocese of Jerusalem has asked us to consider helping to support the work of one of their medical clinics in the northern West Bank called the Penman Clinic with a small one time donation, and if you are interested in doing that there is information in the bulletin. Here is the description they give to describe this ministry:

It is a rural clinic in the north of the West Bank and is associated with St. Matthew's parish. The area has a majority Christian population, but they serve all who comes providing the only medical treatment to the ton of Zebabdeh and more than 12 surrounding villages for very low fews.

As I have prepared this sermon meditating on Jerusalem, it was significant to me because I was also following the story of Pope Francis' trip to Jerusalem and the Holy Land. I am one who has loved the ministry of the pope because through so many of his words and gestures I think we see the vision and compassion of Jesus. In so many ways big and small Francis has invited us to see glimpses of a bigger reality called the Kingdom of God. He has pointed us to a new possible way of simplicity and compassion, where people of all ages, backgrounds, and classes have seen the love of God through this humble man. Through his actions I think he has given us tremendous insight into the ministry and vision of Jesus. And this last week he went into Jerusalem, a holy city, but a terribly divided city because of religious and racial tensions and politics. His trip in some ways faced an impossible dilemma: he can't change things. The tensions are too old, too deep, too complicated. On the other hand, he couldn't just ignore it, doing nothing.  He did the only think he could do, point to the Kingdom of God, and in so doing showed us a glimpse of the kingdom of God.

What did he do? For one, he met with the Patriarch of the Orthodox churches and embraced him. These churches have been divided for centuries, and his meeting was a big step forward to bridging the two churches. Two, he traveled with a Jewish rabbi and a muslim leader to holy places for each of the religions and they all prayed together, and at the end of the trip in Jerusalem they all embraced. A powerful sign of the need and possibility of the three Abrahamic religions to live in peace. Three, when meeting with Muslim leaders, he called them not friends, but brothers. Fourth, he prayed both at the wall separating Jews and Palestinians and at the wall commemorating victims of terroism. Fifth, he invited the president of Israel and the president of the Palestinian authority to come to Rome to pray with him for peace, and they agreed. Gestures only perhaps. But gestures mean something. They point to something; and what Francis was pointing to was the spirit of the Kingdom of God. And in my mind it was beautiful to see.

The reason it is beautiful is because in these gestures I think we are seeing a glimpse of the character of God. And this glimpse is what we call glory. The glory of God. You are probably most familiar with this term from the hymn that we sing/ say at the liturgy every week. 'Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Hosts. Heaven and earth are full of your glory." One of the most beautiful lines in our liturgy, the idea being that in creation we see something of God. And that is ultimately what Glory is about.

I have to confess that I used to be a little leary of the idea of Glory. The scriptures tell us that God does all things for his glory, and I have to confess that I thought that sort of made God seem like a great egoist! That he was so full of himself, that he had to create people just to tell him how wonderful he was. I have learned since then that this is not quite correct. That something else is going on can be seen in the Gospel this morning. In the reading from John, Jesus' students hear him pray: "Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son so that your Son may glorify you." The line doesn't seem particularly odd until you realize that Jesus is praying this right before he is arrested and executed on the cross. The glory that Jesus is talking about is the humiliating death that he knows he is about to undergo. As he says in a few chapters earlier, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but it if dies, it bears much fruit." This is crazy talk; a humiliating and ignominious death is the exact opposite of glory. Until you realize that this is God we are talking about. And the God that shows himself to us in Jesus turns everything upside down.

And in God's world, glory is not a beacon that shows how awesome God is; glory is the reflection of God's character into our world. And his character is marked most profoundly by sacrificial love. That is why Christian point to the cross. We say if you want to know the most important thing that there is to know about God, behold the cross, behold the place where God, out of sheer love for us, reconciled all things to himself at great cost to himself. The most important thing about God is his love, because God is love.

Why talk about glory? Because this is the whole reason for existence, and it is where we find the deepest answers to our questions. Our purpose it is glorify God. Again, this is not that we are created to massage God's ego, rather we glorify God when we show forth his character in our lives. This is the ultimate meaning of ministry. Because what is his character but love, mercy and justice? And we are at our best when we are living that in our lives as best we can, because when we do, what we are doing is reflecting God's glory into the world. It may only make a small difference now, but it points to a time when God's glory will be all and all. This is why I find the gestures of Francis so compelling. He did not change the situation in the middle east. But what he did do was point to a much different possiblility. By the beauty of his actions it was as if he cried out, stretch your imaginations; stretch your hearts. God's love is greater than all of this. Don't just give lip service, but live it in your life. You don't have to be dramatic; we don't have to be the pope. Just in a hundred and one different ways in our lives, comforting a child, helping a grieving friend, rejoicing with a fellow worker, forgiving when slighted. All of these God uses to call us to imagine something bigger; imagine the Kingdom of God.

Sermon for May 11

This morning I had an interesting assignment. I wanted to talk about baptism because we are having a baptism this morning; say something about Mother's Day, because that is today; and I wanted to talk about the Gospel this morning. I went back and forth on how to do that and decided that the best way for for me to tell you the story about my worst Holy Week ever. (Not at this church.) Holy Week for those who don't know is one of the busiest times at the church. We had services every day Wednesday through Sunday, including an all night prayer vigil on Thursday night. Normally, it is my favourite time of the year. We follow the tragedy of Jesus' final week; every service helps us to meditate and enter more fully into one part of the story. When done well, it is a powerful spiritual experience. This one year it was not a powerful experience. This one year both my children had the stomach flu that same week. That week I would do a service, go home, stay up all night with a child who is scared and too young to understand why she is throwing up. I am cleaning it out of her hair, trying to contain it. Then go and do a another service. Repeat process. Do another service. That went on all week as Stephanie eventually got it as well. 

Going through the week it felt like I was doing two completely different things. On the one hand I was speaking about things like grace, love, eucharist, maudy thursday, vigil, altar, sacrifice, sin, redemption, resurrection. On the other hand I was speaking about things like flu, washing machines, clean the sheets, it's going to be okay honey, daddy's here, mop, hot water. And that is when the penny dropped and I understood something very important. They were not two different things; they were the same thing, they blended together in necessary way. At the church I brought my struggles and difficulties and thanks to Jesus and in the midst of the worshiping community I found the grace to go back home and bring the love of Christ working through me to my wife and children. The church and the house aren't separate. They are two sides of the same coin because the fundamental lesson I learned that weekend is this: The Business of Life IS the Business of the Gospel. I want to say that one more time and it is what I want you to take home with you this morning: The Business of Life IS the Business of the Gospel.

I bring it up because we are doing one of most glorious things this morning that we do in a church: we are baptizing a child into the faith of Jesus Christ. And it is such a joy to do exactly that. And baptism can seem so exalted, and it is exalted. It is a powerful experience. It looks like only a little water is being poured over a baby's head. But God has chosen to take that water and give it a spiritual significance that is hard to over estimate. What is baptism? It is uniting this child with Christ and his body the church; it is entry into the New Covenant with God; it is a sign of new life, a participation in the death and resurrection of Jesus; it is conversion and cleansing; it is receiving the Holy Spirit; it is a sign of the coming of the Kingdom of God. How exalted is that! And it is good to meditate on these deep truths.

But the problem is that the words we use to describe baptism are not the same words we normally use in our lives: dinner, washing maching, work, cell phone, Google, taxes, coffee, sleep, exercise, Ukraine, Nigeria, vacation, and television. Because of this there seems to be a disconnect between baptism and life and what I learned that Holy Week is that this not true. Why? Because all those fancy words to describe baptism come down to this truth: God is for you; God is with you. This is the bedrock, foundational truth. Baptism is the church's declaration that you are never alone; that you carry Christ with you and Christ will carry you.

At the end of the baptism I will mark Keaton's forehead with oil and I will say, I sign you with the cross and I mark you as Christ's own forever. For me, that is a powerful moment because it means for me that Jesus Christ, who is the face of the God who is love, will walk with this child forever. Now he may or may not embrace this fact; he may or may not even realize but it is true. And what this means for me in light of that Holy Week is two fold. First, Christ supports me in my daily life no matter how busy or dreary or even tragic it may be. And second, that I am bring the grace of Christ to my everyday life. When I am doing laundry, I am not just doing laundry; I am doing ministry. When I am washing my dishes, I am doing ministry. I don't have to go far away or do crazy things to do ministry. Baptism tells me when I am cleaning up my daughter after she is sick that I am doing ministry, because in that action I am trying to bring the grace of Christ.

Baptism says, don't feel guilty because you are not doing more stuff. The business of life IS the business of the Gospel. Baptism is not about doing more; it is about being changed so that you bring Christ to what you are already doing. Our everyday life does not change after baptism. We still have to go to work, clean our house, care for loved ones and buy groceries. What changes is how we come about all of those things, so that in Jesus, we do them with a new spirit. And it is that new spirit that makes all of the difference. Because now you are doing all of these things with Christ.

How does this work? The logic of baptism is simple. Through water and the Holy Spirit, Keaton will be united with God at the deepest level of his soul. This is a gift from God, but it is also God's hope and desire for this child. This is the whole meaning of the Christian faith and the ultimate meaning of our lives. We were created to be united with God, and in baptism we are both instantly changed and slowly changed. Instantly changed because we are bound to God in a bond that will never break. In other words, God's love for us is eternal and does not change. We can always turn to it and trust it. And God's love has power as well. It changes us slowly as we open ourselves to this love, trust it and live into it. This love that changes us is called grace and it points to our essential identity is in Christ, and that now we bear Christ in all we do. 

And this essential reality is ourselves is expressed in what St. Paul calls the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, self-control, courage. Now how many of you laughed when I read that list? Why is that? Because we realize that the spirit of baptism is messy. There is the promise of new life, but it is quite mushed together with the old life. I stand here and confess that I am a selfish man who is prone to laziness, frustration, and impatience. I am not the epitome of all those good attributes. How do I understand this truth in the reality of my experience? The hard truth of the matter I know is that spiritual growth takes time. As Rowan Williams writes, "The one thing we are truly awful at is taking time, or understanding that some outcomes, some processes, just take the time they take - that you can't rush the business of growing." So I need a few things. The first thing I need is patience and to realize that if God is happy that I am an ongoing project, then I need to kind to myself and accept the fact that my faults will not be burned away quickly. Second, I need to remember the promise of hope. Baptism promises that I will be purified and that in eternity I will filled with love and joy, and my life now is preparation for eternity. I will see God face to face. But for now I need to be intentional. I have come to think that this may be one of the most crucial of all the spiritual virtues. I don't need to be brilliant, wise, or holy. But I do need to show up. Regularly. Preferably everyday. Just before the baptism, we read what is called the Baptismal covenant. And it is a profound statement of what we believe and what the life of a Christian looks like. (BAPTISMAL CONVENANT)  

I think this profound, but with the very important reminder that baptism does not take us out of our lives. The business of life is the business of the Gospel. Imagine how life changes if we can bring Christ into the midst of it. If we can be Christ-bearers in the midst of messy life. It is actually far more than just living a more moral life. I want to end with one image to twig your imaginations. One of the places I really want to go someday is Japan; on my bucket list is to participate in a Japanese tea ceremony. I have read about it quite a bit out of fascination and seen it in videos, but that is not the same as participating. What I love about the tea ceremony is that it takes a very simple activity: making and drinking a cup of tea. Something many of us do everyday. They take this everyday activity and make it into an art form. But they don't do it by bringing out the gold kettle or the fanciest dishes. In fact, it is the opposite. The tea house is austere in its simplicity. They use worn and well used utensils. All who sit at the table have removed marks of rank and all are equal. It is not rushed, but every movement is deliberate and beautiful. The point is that taking what we do everyday and taking it away from the stress of everyday life and doing it deliberately reminds us that the everyday things that we do are beautiful. The mundane act of drinking a cup of tea becomes a doorway into the divine. I think baptism does something very similar. We are invited to see the world as God's world; a grace drenched world; what would it look like to see Christ in every activity? Could dishes be beautiful? Could laundry be beautiful? Can the mundane be beautiful? Can we love the place where we are? I think baptism says yes. Christ in the church; Christ in our homes; Christ at work. Ultimately, it is all the same. God is for you; God is with you.

Sermon for May 4th: Being a Christ-bearer

I hope that if you have listened to me preach a few sermons you realize that they are my way of carrying on a conversation with you, with myself, and with God. My sermons are one of my main ways to process in my own heart and mind the power of the Gospel, my own terrible inadequacies, my love for the church, the pain I feel about a suffering world, my own questions, the questions people bring to me, my hopes for community and my own bungling attempts to live out the glory of God in the world. Often the sermon I preach today flows out of questions raised by people from the last one. And this next set of sermons does just that. I really enjoyed the last series on spirituality. It really helped me and I was encouraged that a few of you found helpful things in them as well. Also, just so that you know, I am trying to figure out both how to preach but also make this a better conversation. So you can come talk to me, and many of you do. And I can't tell you how much I enjoy those conversations. But also I have started posting the whole sermon on my blog and linking it to our facebook page. So on either place if you want to read, comment, even criticize and challenge (as long as it is charitable) please do so!

The last group of sermons was on spirituality and spiritual growth by focusing on the Word of God. My next group of sermons will look at the reason why we practice spirituality and why we try to grow spiritually. And the reason comes from a ancient Christian legend of a man named Reprobus. He was a giant of a man who served his local king. One day he got the idea that he wanted to only serve the greatest king in the world so he went and found him and served him. But one day at the mention of the devil the king crossed himself in fear. Reprobus thought if this king is afraid of the devil than the devil must be greater. I will serve him. So he found the devil who was at that time leading a gang of theives and murderers and pledged his service. But one day as they were walking along, they came to a cross and the devil flinched away from it. Reprobus concluded that if the devil feared Christ, than Christ must be the greatest. So he searched for Christ when he met an old hermit who suggested that he devote his time to prayer and because he was so big helping people cross the river where the hermit lived. That service would be pleasing to Christ. So Reprobus spent his days putting people on his shoulders and walking them across the river. Until one day a little boy came and asked to cross. Reprobus put him on his shoulders and started to carry him across until the boy became heavier and heavier and as he was about to go under he called to the boy on his shoulders: ""You have put me in the greatest danger. I do not think the whole world could have been as heavy on my shoulders as you were." The child replied: "You had on your shoulders not only the whole world but Him who made it. I am Christ your king, whom you are serving by this work. Your name will now be Christopher because you are bearing the Christ" The child then vanished. And from that time, St. Christopher, which means the Christ-bearer went into the world bring Christ with him in his acts of mercy and service and his proclamation of the good news.

I tell this story because even though it is a legend it gets at why I fell in love with the Christian faith. I wanted to be a Christopher, a Christ bearer. I think we all want to leave the world a little better than if we had never lived. It can be heroic perhaps like Mother Theresa, but for most of us it will be smaller, like make a good home for our family so they can be.  I say seemingly, because small and big don't apply to God. As Michael Ramsey said, "The glory of Christianity is its claim that small things really matter and that the small company, the very few, the one man or woman, the one child are of infinte worth to God. Let that be your inspiration." The vision is clear. If you are like me, you see the pain and suffering of the global world; the struggle of our neighbours, good people who struggle; the struggles of people who are harder to love but who need help. What happens when Christ comes into the midst of it? I think profound things. Healing. Grace. There is a part to the prayer of St. Francis that speaks to me:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is error, truth;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

But as we all know, trying to be light in the darkness can be a hard slog. It can be discouraging, take our energy, be thankless, see no results, the problems are bigger than the resources and so on. How do we continue to be salt to the world day after day, month after month, year after year, decade after decade? This is what spirituality is all about. Spirituality gives us the foundation and daily renewal that we need to be Christ-bearers. As I said in an earlier sermon: Jesus has a mission, and we are his hands. And to bear him out into the world, we need him in our souls. Because ultimately it is not our strength that makes this possible, but his. That is the spirituality question. How do we get him into us in a way that is sustaining and enlivening. In these next four sermons, I want to look at what it means to be a Christ-bearer. This one is a brief introductory look at the Eucharist. Next week will be about how baptism starts us on this path and nourishes us on the way. The third is about our ultimate goal. It is a topic neglected in Anglican churches: the glory of God. And it is not what you think. It is not about God being egotistical and needing us to tell him how awesome he is. It is something that is so beautiful I hope that it will move you. And finally in the fourth, what ultimately drives us and keeps us going, namely the Holy Spirit. I am excited about this. The theme has a special resonance for me.

This morning I want to talk about Eucharist. The reason is because as with any endeavor, in order to sustain yourself over the long haul you have to eat. That is so obvious and necessary that I am guessing that you never ever put it on your list of things to do today. Do the laundry, pick up the groceries, drop off the library book, eat, go swimming. Eating you don't put on the list because it is so basic to keeping you going so you can do everything else. The Eucharist is so basic to our spiritual nourishment because it is one of the primary ways that we get the Gospel inside of us. 

To see why that is and how that might work I want to look briefly at the Gospel story we read this morning. This is one of my favourite stories in the Gospel and I know for many others. It takes place on a road with two people who are walking out of Jerusalem toward the town of Emmaus. They are dejected because they had been followers of Jesus who had just been arrested and executed. They are talking about this when they are joined by a stranger on the road they don't recognize. He asks them what they are talking about, and they are amazed that this man has no idea what they are talking about. So they tell him about Jesus, and how they had hoped that he would be the one chosen by God to redeem Israel. But that obviously wasn't going to happen now. They this stranger amazes them by starting to explain the scriptures to them. He goes through all of salvation history. Now this is just an ordinary bible study, as he is talking they later will describe that their hearts were on fire. The words of scripture take on a new meaning; they see how God is using all of this to bring about his great plan of healing for the whole world, and how the scriptures told that the Messiah must first suffer and through this, then enter into glory. There was no need to be afraid.

At this point in the story they stopped for the evening for a meal at an inn and invited the stranger to join them. Strangely, it is the stranger who takes the break, and offers the blessing. Then he broke it and gave it to the other two. And when he did it, they finally got who it was that had been speaking to them this whole time. It was none other than the risen Jesus. And then he is inexplicably gone. And they can't finish the meal. They rush back all the way to Jerusalem to tell the other disciples what just happened and the real adventure begins. Jesus is the one who will bring life to this world; it is all about Jesus.

You can read this story a number of different way and get so much spiritual nourishment from it, but for the sermon today I want to look at it in the way that it sets up the basic way that we come together every Sunday morning. As you see in the story, there is a progression like our Sunday worship, we go from Word to Sacrament. And also we see in the story this is no accident. Luke is showing that this is going to be the way that it is done in the church because the actions of Jesus around the bread are exactly parallel to his actions at the last supper. He takes the bread, blesses, breaks and gives. In other words, each Sunday service is supposed to be our own Emmaus road where we come to encounter Jesus. How can we do that? I want to say three quick things about that.

First, Jesus explained the scriptures to the two, and their hearts burned within them. The learning was not just academic, but transforming. This is the way we try to listen to the scriptures in our worship This is the the learning part of the service. The reason we read scripture every Sunday is that we learn more and more about who Jesus is. Calvin tells us that we read scripture in order "to know Jesus Christ truly." Barth tells us: From first to last, the Bible directs us to the name of Jesus Christ." In order to bring Christ in the world, we first have to know Christ better. His character, who he was, how he would treat the person in front of him. But knowledge not just in our minds, but in our hearts. To bring Christ, we have to slowly become like Christ. That is why we read the scriptures. 

Second, when Jesus broke the bread they recognized him. Jesus has taken this physical stuff: bread and wine. And given them a new spiritual meaning. A transformation. There is a reason they recognized Jesus when he broke the bread. Jesus meets us here at the altar rail. It is intimate and person; it is God renewing our deepest self, giving us a glimpse of wholeness once again. If we want to be Christ-bearers, we have to let Christ feed us. That is why we break the break together. 

Third, After Cleopas and his companion encountered Jesus they sprinted to Jerusalem, and so their adventure started. They became Christ-bearers bringing a good news of a God that is love and by grace meets us in Jesus and who works for the building of his kingdom. Down the line have been generation after generation of Christ-bearers. It is a centuries old family that God has called to be part of the church, and each person who become part of that family is given a special grace that marks that person as Christ's own forever. A grace that forms them their whole life long as Christ-bearers. The grace is called baptism and that is what we will look at next week. Amen.

Sermon from April 27: You don't have to fear doubt

Awhile back, I had a conversation with my children about growing up. At night I usually carry Sarah up the stairs, and one night I mentioned to her that one day she was going to get too big for me to carry her up the stairs. Well, she didn't like that one bit. She wanted to remain little! But it did lead to an interesting conversation about when people do stop growing. I said that it was around the time they were a late teenager. After that they wouldn't grow anymore, but just be that height for the rest of their lives. But I was quick to add, that one of the interesting things that sets apart from the animals is that even though we reach physical maturity at that time, we don't stop growing inside. We keep growing emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. In fact, that was one of our defining characteristics as people. I think she was a little perplexed. Don't you learn everything? Don't you finish school? The answer of course is no, you don't. There is always more to learn and figure out and experience and explore. That is one of the great things about life.  If we choose, we can continue to explore for the rest of our lives.

Over the last several weeks we have been talking about aspects of spiritual growth: meditative reading of scripture, discipleship, prayer and so on. Today I want to talk about a little appreciated catalyst for spiritual growth, but one I think we all struggle with, I am speaking of doubt. It is little appreciated because it seems to be the opposite of spiritual growth, the opposite of faith. In fact, some places of scripture seem to support this. We look at the letter of James where James writes: Ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. It seems very simple. But there are other places where doubt is much more complex. Abraham, who is the father of faith, trusts God, but doubts whether it will work out like God suggests. And one of my favourite verses where Jesus says he will heal the one who believes, and the man cries out "I believe, but help my unbelief."

I think that this is an incredibly important topic. I speak with lots of Christians in all seasons of life and used to be surprised when after a little while of conversation people would take on a quiet air of confession. There are things that I struggle with, things that I doubt. Now, it can be intellectual doubts: I don't really understand or know if I believe that Jesus is the son of God. Or it can be doubts because of sickness or suffering: I don't know if God is really with me. Or it can be around fear: I don't know if I can do X. I don't know if I have what it takes. And they think there is something wrong with their faith. But I have learned, there is nothing wrong with their faith. In fact, for many of us, sometimes I wonder if all of us, doubt is actually part of spiritual growth. What do I mean?

To think through this I want to look at the story of Thomas this morning from the Gospel reading. I love the apostle Thomas and not just because I am the rector of this church! I really think he gets a bad rap getting called doubting Thomas. For three reasons. First, from the other stories in the gospels we know Thomas to be a stand up guy. He is loyal, passionate and brave, willing to give his life for his friends. Second, while yes he doesn't believe right away because he doesn't see, it always gets missed that he is only asking for what all of the other disciples got. An encounter with the risen Jesus. They saw; they touched. But we don't hold it against them! And third, and this is the real point I am trying to make. Thomas is an integral part of this story so that we, those who come after and who do not encounter the risen Jesus physically, can understand what it means to believe and have faith. The Gospel writer John, knows that the figure of Thomas doubting is essential for us who struggle for belief.

Remember what I said last week. The author of the Gospel, John, is a poet. The stories are a surface meaning, but they are part of a deeper purpose which he gives us in vs. 30 and 31. Here he tells us that there are lots of different things that Jesus did  that aren't written here. In the next chapter he expands on this in one of my favourite verses in the bible: If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written. The point is that all of all this material he chose this particular story because we needed to hear it. Why? Because we who come after are in the same position as Thomas. We have not encountered the risen Christ physically. The only way we can unite with him is through faith. So John walks us through what this looks like: Thomas hears, but doesn't believe. Most crucially, what he doesn't believe is the testimony of his friends. He thinks they are hallucinating. Then he sees and touches Jesus and believes in a big way. And then he tells others. He can now say, I know it can be hard to believe, but let me tell you my story. Thomas is in fact the crucial link for many of us who want to believe but find it hard.

I was one of those. I think I have told you some of my story before. I had not been a Christian through school; in fact, was quite antagonistic to the church. Then I met a good friend who was very authentic as a Christian, and in our conversations he made me realize some truths about myself that I didn't want to admit. As one pastor has written, the truth will set us free, but for awhile it can be a very unpleasant experience!* But I still couldn't quite step over the line. And this lasted for awhile. Until I learned an important thing about doubt: Doubt is not a no; it is standing between yes and no. Let me say that again: Doubt is not a no; it is standing between yes and no. It is an in between position. It is not being able to answer either way. It is possible to stay here. But what I found is that it is also possible to step out in faith. To decide to move forward. For me, I had fallen in love with Jesus. I loved his message of hope and grace. I loved his vision of a new creation marked by love and justice. I loved his promise of forgiveness and a second chance, and a third chance, and a fourth chance. I found the story of death and resurrection so powerful. I loved the idea that his spirit would dwell within me guiding me and strengthening me.I was so pulled; I wanted Jesus. But was it all real or just the most profound story ever told? And I went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And I did this for months. Then I realized that this was similar to getting married I suppose. Will this work out; will we be faithful; will we make it over the long run? Questions that cannot be answered before hand. You have to make the decision first, and then live into it. That is what I came to the conclusion. I didn't have to have answers to all of the fiddly details or really understand or believe all of the beliefs that the church has come up with over the years. But I did have enough to want to say yes. So I made the decision to say yes. 

And it was not: and he lived happily ever after. I have spent my whole Christian life wrestling, but I have learned that this forced me to grow in ways that I never would have otherwise. Because if you do a lot of wrestling, you only get stronger and better. This is what I have learned. There are different kinds of doubt, and all of them can be put to good use. The first for instance is the most obvious kind, intellectual doubt. Jesus asks us to believe and we find it hard. Or for some, I believe Jesus; I just don't know if I believe everything the church has come up with. My advise if you struggle with this is not to deny it. Wrestle. Move forward. Ask your questions. Look through the scriptures. Read the history and how other Christians have answered your questions. Sit with the answers; meditate on them. Just keep moving forward. You will grow through the process. You may not land where you intended. I have found that processes have a way of going in odd directions. Also, be honest. Why do you doubt? What are your emotional reasons as well? Where have you been hurt? Don't keep it on just an intellectual level. Listen to your mind and your heart. Search for truth. I believe God will honour this seeking. For he says, seek and you will find.

But there is also another kind of doubt; the doubt of abandonment. This is with people who do believe and trust in God, but in difficult times find that they have no sense of his presence or love. The don't doubt his truths, they doubt that he really cares or loves. I have also struggled with this. But I have found a helpful wisdom about this in the book I use as a prayer book. The writer gives us a helpful concept that our God is a seasonal God. Here is what he writes:

I have observed through the years that most Christians have little understanding of the word season. Our Lord is a seasonal God; he comes, he departs. His faithfulness never changes, but his seasons do! There are seasons when the tree is green there are seasons when it is dry, and seasons when, for the life of us, the things looks dead. No does this mean you are serving some capricious God who comes and goes by whim? Or, could it be, that it is only through seasons that true growth may come?

I think this is the right answer. I have found that it is easy to be faithful when all is well; but I don't grow as strong as when I learn what being faithful looks like when things are hard. I think God doesn't so much want us to feel spiritually happy as he does that we are spiritually strong.

Another kind of doubt is fear. It is no accident that Jesus has to keep saying, don't be afraid. Most of us struggle with fear of some kind. Something we don't want to do, or don't think we can. Something we have done and don't want people to know. Being overwhelmed and not sure we will ever dig out. This is perhaps the biggest invitation to growth; at least it has been for me. Because the fact is, God has a habit of asking people to do things that are scary to them. As John Ortburg puts it, God often calls us to follow Peter and get out of the boat and walk on the water. The boat is of course what is comfortable, and the water is our fear. But if we get out, we are changed. As Ortburg puts it, "There is always a changed life. Those who say yes to God's call don't walk the walk perfectly. But because they say yes to God, they learn and grow even from their failures. And they become part of his actions to redeem the world. Those who say no are changed too. They become a little harder, a little more resistant to his calling, a little more likely to say no the next time." 

And from this perspective, we can see why doubt is important for growth. It is a catalyst that can propel us forward if we choose to move forward. The point is ultimately not belief, or answers or the feeling of God's love or even courage. All of these are means to an end. As John the writer puts it, reflecting on Thomas' experience. These things are written, so that by believing, or better through believing, YOU MAY HAVE LIFE. The point is life, fullness of life, eternal life. When you are in Jasper on the top of a mountain, and the scenery is so beautiful, and you are exilerated from your climb, and the air is so fresh and you are so alive, awake, joyous. You don't ask philosophical questions. You just live, fully. 

In our lives, we are not yet on the mountain, we are walking still through the woods on the way. We will get there, but not yet. There is a ways to go. Love where you are; learn from this walk; grow stronger in wisdom, love and character. Jesus is with you. Do not be afraid of doubt. Keep moving forward. Keep moving forward. You are on the way to life eternal.

* Reference was to Rick Warren